He was in his 90s – I never imagined he would sexually assault me
He was in his 90s – I never imagined he would sexually assault me
I had always assumed that if I were ever a victim of sexual assault, I would confront or challenge the perpetrator. But when it happened, I froze completely. I didn’t scream – I couldn’t even form words.
In the moments after, this older man – someone I had considered a wise, trustworthy mentor – smiled at me, exuding an almost smug satisfaction, and traced his tongue along his lips like a lizard, as though savoring the discomfort I felt. It felt routine, like a pattern I hadn’t foreseen.
During the lockdown, as the rest of the nation found themselves confined to their homes, it became clear to me that life isn’t a dress rehearsal. I had fallen in love with acting at five, but for years, I had postponed training in Los Angeles with a renowned teacher due to career commitments. A few years ago, I realized I couldn’t keep delaying something that mattered so much.
This Is Not Right
On November 25, 2024, Metro launched This Is Not Right, a campaign to highlight the ongoing crisis of violence against women. Collaborating with Women’s Aid, the initiative aims to expose the alarming scale of this national emergency.
For weeks, my emails to the acting teacher went unanswered. I feared I had waited too long. Then, unexpectedly, his assistant replied, offering six private lessons. I believed this would be an opportunity to learn something profound about acting. His age felt like an advantage – he was experienced. I couldn’t help but think I’d be learning from someone extraordinary.
On my first day, I met the teacher and his assistant. Together, we entered the studio, which was otherwise empty after hours. The initial part of the session was as anticipated: he introduced basic acting concepts and covered exercises focused on observation and memory. His behavior seemed normal.
Near the end, he suggested a new exercise in a gentle tone. He nodded and instructed me to close my eyes and say his name when something occurred. I stood there, eyes shut, waiting – when his hand suddenly reached inside my jumper, firm and quick.
“Life is not a dress rehearsal.”
His assistant, a man in his 30s, was present throughout and watched in silence. When I opened my eyes, I glanced at him for support, but he merely looked away, signaling his involvement in the abuse.
Ironically, I felt too ashamed to confront him directly. The teacher’s stature and the seamless integration of the assault into an exercise made my hesitation understandable. Yet, his respected status and mention of his wife during the session made the incident even more unsettling.
Later, I wondered if older men’s behavior is shaped by their age and experiences from another era. But growing up in a different time doesn’t justify sexual assault. I stopped attending further sessions, staying in LA for another month before returning home.
A week later, an email asked why I hadn’t shown up for my second lesson. I couldn’t believe the teacher had assumed I’d continue after what had transpired. Once home, I felt compelled to share my story, hoping to make sense of the trauma.
Occasionally, I brought it up randomly, triggered by small moments. I was shocked to discover how many people I spoke to had similar experiences.
Victim Support
Victim Support provides assistance to survivors of rape and sexual abuse. You can reach them at 0333 300 6389.
